Bolder was over-due and there were circumstances close that made me fight fear with my dukes full fledged and an army of friends and family praying for us. A very close friend lost her full-term baby early in the week and it was a crazy time of grieving with her with my blessing still alive inside me. I knew I had no right to Bolder's life just because the Lord had already taken one of my babies too soon.
I felt raw, slightly peaceful, and extremely vulnerable. I tried to stay hopeful.
In attempts to curb anxiety and enjoy my life and that inside me, I woke up on Saturday the 21st and told Thadd we needed to go up to the mountain, play in the snow, and cut down our Christmas tree. He just laughed because I had been VERY adamant about skipping this tradition this year. But I was just itching to decorate with twinkling lights and get the season rolling, and take my mind off my growing discomfort, longing, and fear.
So we drove up the mountain, hiked through the snow, and came back down with the perfect tree:) It was sooooo fun! Starbucks on the way home and QFC for Christmas cookie ingredients. We made pizza for dinner. While Thadd put up the lights I let Silas help me make, roll and cut out the cookie dough. And I noticed myself being very snappy with him, like he wasn't "doing it right"?! He wasn't even 2 years old... I knew I was acting weird but I felt the same as I had for the previous 4 months, with contractions all the time and a deep aching back from standing too long. I excused it all since we had such a busy and physical day. But hello control freak- "don't mess up the cookies!" I still feel badly about it, haha! I needed a break after burning the first batch. Started putting ornaments on the tree and only finished the top half before the contractions exhausted me so I sat down again. Then when putting Silas to bed I had to leave the room to have another contraction, and then it hit me, THIS IS ACTUALLY IT!
I nonchelantly mentioned it to Thadd and he didn't really believe me. We got online to play Halo- yes, we play halo- with my sisters and brothers. I was very focused and not talking much. The contractions were getting so hard and long. Finally, I said "I'm having a baby tonight!" It was hilarious and exciting and wonderful. We called my parents to pick up Silas and then I called my midwife after they left. She told me I sounded good and to call back after timing contractions and they got closer together. It was about 10:3o at night so we all tried to take a nap before the "show"! Wasn't going to happen. Things came on so fast from there and I told Thadd to call back our midwife, and my doulas- sister Laura and friend Jess! I needed their presence and support, pronto.
I was laboring in the living room with The Office on. I told everyone they could go ahead and laugh I would love the distraction. The assistant midwife had never seen The Office before and she was laughing so much it was the best! Remember the one with the fire drill?! "you stay alive, I 'll get help!" This I laughed at :) But I was very much in my own world during my contractions. They lasted forever but I was so grateful for slight breaks in between- something I did NOT have with my first labor.
I could only take contractions on my hands and knees with Thadd squeezing my hips from behind, since he is massive strong, he was causing me pain but I preferred to think on that pain rather than the pain that was happening in a ring around my uterus shooting around my back. It was easier to "let it be" with that pain. I was very direct with what I wanted/needed in labor, I love this in hindsight because it means I knew my body so well in my labor and that's what I had hoped for. There were some barked orders but I don't think anyone minded:)
Thadd was my hero.
I remember going into the bathroom and telling my sister that anyone who has to be in the hospital, on their back, is SO STUPID not to get an epidural. SO SO SO STUPID!!!! What a dumb thing to try to do "natural" who gives a rip? I said it was so not worth it and proves nothing. I couldn't have taken a contraction on my back if it was the last thing I ever did! And here I was giving birth at home like Mrs. I'morganicgranola! Hahaha!
I said all this in transition... But I still believe it;)
The assistant, Suzanne, asked me if I wanted to take my pants off to get ready for birth and I was like, "Absolutely not. I'm not squatting here naked for the next ten hours!" then I looked at her seriously and asked if she really thought Bolder would be born that night. She raised her eyebrows and nodded, "oh yeah, I think it will be very soon."
My midwife had arrived and after being here for about 2 minutes I heard her say, "is she pushing? Is she really pushing?!" Well, I was. She knelt down next to me and asked whether I wanted my baby born on the living room floor or in my bed. I was surprised by her promptness as I thought things would take quite some time since my water hadn't even broken yet. But I was not going to give birth in the middle of my house! To the bedroom we went. Then all hell broke loose as I pushed and pushed! Loudly I might add! Or so I thought. My water broke and soon after his head was out- my baby was almost here!!!
But then he got stuck at his ribcage as he tried to birth his own arm. I thought I was dying. Worst shocking pain ever and I yelled at everyone saying "SOMETHING IS WRONG!" They just smiled at me as I pushed one last time and birthed my precious Bolder Ephraim and they laid him straight on my chest- Heaven...I was overjoyed and relieved and could not stop laughing and smiling! Thadd was sobbing above me and all 9lbs 12oz and 22inches of a perfect Bolder was screaming in my arms! Just 19 minutes after the midwife got to my house :)
1:43am November 22nd 2009.
A miracle night. A miracle birth. A miracle son.
"Heaven blew every trumpet
And played every horn,
On the wonderful, marvelous Night you were born."
A miracle night. A miracle birth. A miracle son.
"Heaven blew every trumpet
And played every horn,
On the wonderful, marvelous Night you were born."
