I can't bake.
I mean I seriously can't bake. Not the "it didn't turn out so great", "must have measured something wrong", "it's not all the way cooked through" little blunders every now and then. It's become a fact of life. And I don't enjoy it even a tiny bit.
Now, I'm not a total domestic flop in the kitchen. I can cook. And I'm not shabby at it. I married an ex-chef and I have his vote:). I truly love to cook. Give me an onion, some garlic, a saute pan, cutting board and the stove top....mmmmm mmmmm!
But I make a chocolate chip cookie and it's flat as a board and dark as night. The strangest combination of crunchy and chewy, and it is not a good one. The crunch is a burnt crunch and the chewy is a stale chewy. This is not an exaggeration or a one time deal. This is life when I'm wearing the oven mitt.
I've tried blaming my baking powder. My baking soda. My measuring cups. My recipe books. My baking sheets. My pyrex pans. My flour. My sugar. My butter. My mixer. My spatula. My wooden spoon. My vanilla. My timer. And to "fix" these culprits, I've replaced every. single. one of them.
It's not about the oven. Over the past year and a half we've lived in 7 different homes. All but one had ovens. There is no way, NO WAY possible that all those ovens are to blame for my constant failures.
After years of this nonsense I've come to this conclusion: there is just too much chemistry involved and when my hand measures, mixes and pours something that is supposed to end up in the oven, the ingredients know the truth. They know the only reason I ever passed anything scientific in school is because I was "a pleasure to have in class". They know I couldn't pass a test if it involved words like "chemical reaction" and I have no 'hypothesis' for what will happen when I put those goggles on and add all these abbreviated substances to the beaker or whatever the hell any of that is supposed to mean. Chemistry class broke my 4.0 GPA. With a flippin D, that I was truly relieved to recieve. Moral: I aint no chemist.
And after my final batch of burnt flour and sugar melted on my beautiful new baking sheet, it's over. I'm breaking up with my canisters containing these uncompromising ingredients. Tonight I choose to submit to boundaries in the kitchen and vow to cease my attempts to bake some yummy, flaky, fluffy, delightful pastry, cookie, or cake. If there is more than a 'sprinkle' of flour in the recipe, it just doesn't work for me.
I might a little bit panic when someone asks me to bring "goodies" to a party or a Bible study.
My mama was a Home Economics Major. But there is no baking gene in this Wight girl.
Thaddeaus, Marilee, Silas & Bolder celebrating our blessings
5 comments:
baking, I semi-love but it's bread that has beat me.
I finally told Nick that I'd quit. About seventeen half-risen loaves later. Seventeen is an underexaggeration if anything. It's not my yeast, not my pan, not my flour, tried a bread-machine, googled kneading, and everything else I've tried to work on.. I give up.
LOVE you! Who needs to bake when they're related to Christy Green? You can just pay her or something for sweet treats. That's what I'd do...in fact, I may start doing it myself. Baking is such an unknown mystery! Luckily, chemistry seems to be on my side, but I NEVER know if my little concoctions will turn out good or weird. At least with cooking, we KNOW that what we're making will be YUM! And if not, we know how to "tweak" it to be better. lol. My sister-in-law is a baking extraordinaire but I'm too prideful to admit it to her. Let's just invite ourselves over to Christy's or Laura's or your mom's when we need a sweet treat fix. What'dya say? :)
My Dear Precious Child, Thanks for the lovly story. You are correct baking is all chemistry. The solution to your baking proplems can be corrected in three words. Pre Heated Oven. That is most likely the missing ingredient. It is used as a catalyst. It is not a substance but it initiates or accelerates a chemical reaction. Bring on the HEAT. My child.
Sorry Lovely
I so wish you would blog more....
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